Bereavement

No one else has the right to tell you how to feel. You can have fun, laugh, spend time with your friends and so on, if this is what feels right for you.

Possible feelings and thoughts

• sadness
• disbelief
• confusion
• fear (that no-one is safe, for instance)
• rage, often expressed in physical violence to objects
• anxiety and a desire to control events and people
• feeling 'frozen' (in other words, not feeling very much at all)
• avoiding the subject
• wanting to keep busy at all costs
• worthlessness (and perhaps thinking it should have been you that died)

Anger and guilt

• It is normal to feel some anger but if you feel yourself getting angry more often than feels safe, you may want to seek out some help from a supportive person.
• People can feel guilty about what they think they said or didn't say, or did or didn't do. 
• As well as talking to others about how you feel, some people find it helpful to write a letter to the person who has died setting out what you feel guilty about.

Feeling or being ill

• Grief can make people feel really ill and tired; but if the feelings go on for a while, it's a good idea to see your doctor or the school nurse

Over time

You may find that you actually feel worse, although most people eventually feel better and are able to resume their lives